Leave your own sofa at your peril

If your personality is pure lunacy knitted together with a hefty bundle of unwiseness you might consider leaving the postcode in which you live. Usually I live in LS15 and after the events of the past few days I am going to ask the probation service to electronically tag me to prevent me from ever wandering further than the end of the street. I will taser myself should I ever discover myself creeping into a Travel Agency. Don't do it kids, it ain't worth it. But - and I'm not suggesting you do - but if you persist in the wild recklessness of leaving your own gorgeous country (blessed as it is with Chinese takeaways and bus stops with poorly spelt English graffiti) you may become stranded in A Foreign Place.

This is a non-exhaustive list of advice I can proffer to the stranded traveller.
1. As soon as you get stranded your holiday STOPS. You are no longer a holidaymaker, now you are a hostage. Nothing is fun. Oddly, since I got stranded I haven't been taking photos (apart from the blog).
2. You'll go on a dirty protest. Heaven knows the last day I got up and immediately had a shower. My hair is so unkempt I look like Einstein's gran. I do not wear accessories or slap. I'm not saying I don't wash at all but you know the weird lady in each neighbourhood who collects indeterminate brown liquid in jam jars on their manky looking kitchen windowsill? I might become one of them soon.
3. Crying doesn't help but if you do it in a Travel Agent where there's a queue the nice Greek men let you go to the front. Or maybe it's because of the dirty protest smell. I did some quality crying at a Travel Agent today but I'm still on Crete.
4. You will miss spaghetti hoops. A lot.
5. You will start to come up with ever more daft ideas for repatriation. Today I honestly considered what sort of low level criminal activity would be sufficient to get me deported back to the UK, whilst not precluding me from resuming teaching duties there.
6. You will make the same three rubbish jokes all day. Our most lame is saying 'night night, see you next year' to the Taverna owner EVERY night.
7. Always get stranded in a hotel with FREE wifi.
8. You'll just really really really want to go home.

I'm now here for a week at least as that's the first flight I can get on to with Evan. My parents are here until the 30th. That's a looooong time. Maybe the Ark Royal will come to repatriate us before then. Or maybe not.

Yamas!
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Location:Παλαιά Εθνική Οδός Ηρακλείου,Malia,Greece